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- My incredibly generous parents paid for my full college tuition and insist they have no regrets.
- Because I didn’t pay for it, I didn’t appreciate the school the way I should have.
- When I paid for grad school, I was a good student who loved my program and understood what it cost me to be there.
Growing up, we often visited the campus of my father’s alma mater and held alumni gatherings at our home. The family joke is that my father would lean over my bed and whisper, “You’re going to Wheaton College one day.”
And he was right. In the fall of 2003, I packed my bags and started college three hours away at my dream college in Wheaton, Illinois. My parents paid all my expenses, so it was completely free for me.
Because I didn’t pay for college, I valued it less
Since I wasn’t responsible for paying for my education, I didn’t have a care in the world. That’s why, almost immediately, I spent more time with new friends than studying or attending class. I have devoted myself only to social extracurriculars. Predictably, my grades dropped.
I also went through a bit of an identity crisis, because in addition to leaving home for the first time in my life, I went from being an A and B student in high school to a C and D student in college.
It was an exciting and confusing year.
I strongly believe that if I had paid for my education, I would have been an excellent student. I know this to be true because when I went to graduate school I paid for every penny and was a much better student. Plus, I loved it.
It cost my parents more than $200,000 to send me to school
To prepare for this article, I interviewed my parents about what it was like to pay for my education … and I’m still trying to wipe the look of disbelief off my face.
They spent one wild amount of money for me per semester: $21,000, or $42,000 per year. Even worse, they paid 10 semesters, adding up to $210,000 in total by the time I graduated with a 2.5 GPA for a communications degree.
It took me longer to graduate because I dropped out of a business degree during my junior year – so I spent two extra semesters earning my communications degree. For one of those extra semesters, I took summer school and my tenth semester was spent working a newspaper internship as it was my last requirement to graduate. In other words, my parents spent $21,000 so that I could complete a unpaid internship.
That said, I’d say the biggest culprits of my extended year were procrastination and swinging, which I’m very sorry for and feel guilty about. I rarely did my homework. I used to slack off in class… even if I went. I pulled all-nighters to finish projects, which resulted in nodding off in class.
My parents don’t regret paying for my college
I knew my parents were holy, but talking to them, I learned how much they put me first. For one thing, they refinanced their mortgage to fund my college experience and put retirement and regular savings on hold while I was away at college.
It also became clear how good they are at financial management. They never took out any loans and always paid my tuition on time – meaning they avoided building interest altogether.
My father is a doctor and my mother was a housewife. However, to help pay for college, she became a realtor. Until our last conversation, I never fully appreciated or understood her sacrifice.
But I think they should have made me pay for college; as far as I was concerned, not doing so was a mistake. Even a small fraction would likely have changed my priorities. And until I figured out what I wanted for a career, I should have gone to community college, too.
In the sweetest of ways, they don’t see it that way. As my father said, “I don’t regret paying for your college tuition because we knew education was important and we committed to it when you were a little girl.” Despite their lack of regret, they admit that I should have worked in high school and college to help contribute—and I wish I had made better use of their investment.
If there’s a redeeming story, it’s that I got a job in the field I studied for. I used my communications degree to get into publishing, which I know helps put their minds at ease.
Why won’t I give my kids a free ride to college?
If I had made a financial investment in my college education, I really think I would have studied hard.
My parents’ parting wisdom was that my kids should work, or even better, run their own business—perhaps selling stuff on Amazon. And I agree: my future kids will be working by the time they’re in high school.
My parents thought well, and I will never be able to repay them with gratitude or capital. However, when I’m a mom, my kids will pay for at least half of their education, get scholarships, and consider community college.
They will learn to appreciate college more than I ever did.
This article was originally published in August 2019.